Idols

When I was sixteen, I lived in France. I loved it there: the freedom the Metro and bus lines gave me, the art, the numerous parks, and little shops with amazing hot chocolate. I was a teenager so school wasn't my favorite thing of all time, but it was an incredibly good school. Even the buses they transported us in were first class. I got to go on some of the best field trips, simply because I went to a school in Paris. I loved it. 

 The field trips and nice busses were great and all, but my favorite part was the learning. It was there, I remember having a teacher sit down with me and basically telling me I was smart, just simply in a unique way. I drank that up like a thirsty animal. The irony was, I received worse grades there than I ever did in any other school. Sweeping aside the normal math and science classes, the classes pulled out my gifts, made me use my brain and find I had one. It was wonderful. And it was no wonder that I started to idolize a few teachers. A lot of teenagers have crushes on their teachers. That wasn't it. I didn't have any feelings for them, but I lapped up everything they said, spun those things in my mind and learned. 

 My time in Paris, was also the first time I started sharing my faith. Like most teenagers in almost anything, I was clumsy about it, almost brutish. God has taught me so much since, and I look back and laugh at my own weird antics of the time. I can only pray that nobody suffered negatively from it.

I'm not someone who tends to share my faith on the streets. I will probably never be a soap box preacher. Other than that one fumbling time in a classroom, I plan on never telling people they are going to hell. To me, when I tell people about Christ, even then when I did it so often, it is like I am baring my soul. It is an incredibly intimate thing for me mentally, because He means that much to me. So, when I say I felt a connection with those teachers and fellow students who I talked to about such a thing, as a naïve sixteen year old, please understand it wasn't creepy but yes pretty intimate for me.

There was this one teacher at the school who I both idolized and shared God to. God never leaves any item un-dusted. He uses everything in our lives. Whether he at first wanted me to feel any connection to anyone at the school or not, he did use this one connection to have me pray for him over the years.

Later I found out something about him that wasn't so great. It took me by surprise. He'd done something that I just couldn't tolerate myself. Me, Heather, couldn't take in easily and say, “That's all right.” But God continued to have me pray for him and so I did. Still later I read a book by him, that seemed to mirror strangely the actions I'd heard of before.

This teacher taught me to read between the lines and I did. Whether it was what I wanted to read or it was real, I don't know. To some, his novel was just lewd and well written. To me it spoke volumes into the heart of the writer, and humans in general.

So often everything seems fine on the outside. The person can have amazing philosophies, make the mind snap to attention. Then you look deeper, and what is there is a lost soul grasping for hope, for a little bit of light. Grasping to feel something and to hold onto it. We can understand everything in the world and have nothing, but an empty pit.

Because we may be an incredibly articulate person, we may have everything in the universe, but without the utter wonder of God's grace and forgiveness, we are nothing, and while we may not know this, our souls do.

It took a while, and I will never idolize this person again, but I can find forgiveness in my heart because first, I was forgiven, and God has and will always love and forgive him as well as you.

Heather

Purposes

 

So I'm twenty-six now; a high-school degree and in a low paying job. Now I ask myself, often, what the heck am I doing with my life? Especially since I probably have the smarts, yet not the drive, to do a lot of things. I'm not changing the world through my knowledge of anything. What is my purpose in life?

Well I don't know.

God put each of us down on this earth for a reason. He's got a plan for each of us. I don't believe in fate so of course you get the messed up people and people who go far afield from the plan God made for them.

Other people go head on into it. You have Gladys Aylward who is known for saving 100's of Chinese children, or Bruchko who evangelized a whole murderous tribe. They seem like the true heroes to me. THEY have a purpose.

So what about us who get left behind. Who don't seem to be doing anything with our lives. Stuck in a weird sort of rotation.

Well, I'm thinking we do have a purpose and it's a beautiful one. It's an every day one. It is how we each effect the lives of those around us – our bubble of influence. We are responsible for their lives. It's not because we are related to them or married to them, it's just because they were in our acquaintance for that one moment and they needed that smile or slight flirt to make them feel better.

We don't have to be the epitome of wisdom or courage. We don't even have to be an every day hero who pulls over their own car for a stranger's car crash. We just need to realize our affect on others has a rippling affect. A friendly smile, a hug, or even a quick chat over the water cooler at work makes up our everyday purpose.

Yes, our first duty is to God, but He happens to think we are amazing, beautiful creatures. He loves our individuality and our unique smile. So if our first duty is to God and He looks to us first than we should make it our mission to be there for others. To be the shoulder, because we have this wowing God in heaven who is our own personal shoulder to lean on.

We each have an impact... on eachother. And that is a great purpose in life.

Convention

“Convention is a dish best served broken.” Is the words I saw written on a website of an actress I follow, Allison Hall's, web page. It got me thinking.

Convention: a rule, method, or practice established by usage; custom

Christians, or more broadly, religious groups in general, have conventions. Actions, thought patterns, and ways of speech they follow as almost a rule whether spoken or otherwise. Like Christians, we always say, “we will be praying for you” when something goes wrong. Now this is all well and good if we actually do pray for the person, but I find myself just saying that out of convention, because it is the right thing to do per say, and forgetting to actually pray an hour later. Thus we just lied to someone to make them feel better and to adhere to convention instead of calling them up or talking to them face to face and right there praying for them.

Throughout the Bible, God breaks the conventions. I mean, he shatters them to pieces. In the time of Abraham, everyone had multiple god's they worship. It says that Rachel and Leah stole their father's household gods because they weren't going to get an inheritance from their father. No one even seems to blink an eye to the fact that they stole something that was a direct affront to God, because it was such a normal thing at the time. People had household gods. Period. When God approached Abraham, then Abram, he declared himself the only god. That there was nothing else to worship. That was against tradition and convention.

He did it again to the Hebrews when they were fleeing Egypt. As is well known, Egypt had tons and tons of gods. Gods were everywhere. There was a god for everything. God said they were not to have any other gods but him. These people's grandparents had been born in Egypt. It was all they knew.

Later with the prophets, God told the prophets to do crazy things, like burn human feces as fuel (the guy had it taken down to cow droppings thank goodness), run around naked, name their kids terrible names, marry a prostitute. Those, I will say, are not even considered conventional today and we are a lot more liberal now than then.

Finally, Jesus went up against the Pharasees, Saducees, and other teachers of the law. Those people practically taught convention as being next to Godliness (cleenliness was a part of that convention so it wasn't left out). Jesus went right out and called them white washed tombs which is about the equivalent as saying they were a bunch of expensive coffins with rotted corpses with bad smells inside. Convention, while it looks nice does no good. It sometimes hurts where we could do a lot of good without it. After all wasn't Paul a Roman to the Romans.

There are quite a few things that are in conversation right now between the church and the regular jo shmoes out there. We preach all these huge deals about them and say that God finds it disgusting and blah blah blah but we forget the first commandment. We first love. The prostitute the coffin like people brought before Jesus, was easily seen as guilty, easily considered punishable by the law of Moses, but Jesus didn't punish her, instead he showed each man his own sin without naming them, and saved a woman's life. He showed her love by forgiving her.

We as Christians, only look at the thing we see as wrong, and we don't look at the human being standing there beautiful, and no less dirty than we once were.

We forget to look at the reasons behind each law. There is. The sexual laws: sexual acts have huge psychological reactions. The eating laws: blood carries terrible diseases, pig, well you don't want to know what happens if it isn't cooked properly, carrion, that should be obvious. All those laws, and conventions, were way before most of the sciences that explained the human brain, chemical imbalances, and germs.

To that thought, and to hopefully end this speal: just like the Israelites back then, God does not explain every detail of his reasoning. He has a reason for everything. That is all we really need to know, that and he is love. Who are we to judge what people do when they are harming no one but themselves (which in the end we all do). We first need to see the human behind the dirt that once layered ourselves. We need to see the beautiful soul that God crafted together in his own likeness and lead them to the father. It is between them and God what they need to change and when they need to change.

After all, the only reason why we are clean is because like a mom bathing a child who can't bathe himself, Christ bathed us. We are useless in it. Oh we may splash around and gurgle but we are completely useless in our own cleanliness.

A Little Bit of Whimsical

Greetings friends and strangers,


So I’m not preachy today. Instead, I’m sharing some of my new found obsessions.

It is always great to see a new-fangled something or other, especially when it has to do with talent and ingenuity.

The first two are web series. There are a ton of webseries, vlogs, and thoughts by random people. What I happened to stumble upon by chance would be The Lizzie Bennet Diaries (http://www.lizziebennet.com/). It has run its course and ended after the 100th episode, but I was so impressed with it, I had to tell you. Lizzie Bennet is best known as a character in the fictional novel “Pride and Prejudice”. Now put modern clothes on her, along with red hair, place her in a modern setting and give her a video blog to speak to as her life carries its course with numerous friends, family, and enemies coming along to pop into her videos seemingly randomly. In between times she talks to you (about twice a week) she and the other people involved in her blog talk on twitter, commenting on everyday life or something rather important. Now modernize her family, friends, and crushes then give them all twitter accounts (and one sister a video blog of her own). Now you have the The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. It rolls in the same time frame as actual happenings. This made it sublimely realistic and several times I had to remind myself that no, Lizzie was not reading a book right now and Darcy was not dreaming about Lizzie’s long locks because really Heather, they aren’t real. It was lovely. They did a great job at keeping to the story, and the acting was incredible. I would definetly recommend it.

Something that is extremely similar would be The Autobiography of Jane Eyre.  So far I’m not entirely sure what I think but it definetly has caught my attention. It’s much like the above just with the characters and story of Jane Eyre. Look here http://theautobiographyofja.wix.com/jane-eyre#

On a different note: some art I have recently found and instantly fell in love with would be that of the whimsical James Hance. http://www.jameshance.com/index.html

There you have it, my whimsical happiness. Enjoy. :)

Community at Last

So as most people who read this blog know, I am no longer on some crazy adventure half-way across the world from my designated home. I am home.


What I haven’t told people on here is, I haven't felt at home since I left the ship. There are bits and pieces that helped my tiny little apartment feel like home. Like, for the first time in my relatively short life, My room is completely my own. It isn’t the guest room, I’m not sharing it, and it doesn’t have other people’s stuff in it. That is lovely. And, of course I need to clean it… note to self.

But… somehow the US, Colorado, with its beautiful Rocky Mountains, my family surrounding me, and where I grew up for 8+ years didn’t feel like home. I felt distant from God and family. I was bone weary lonely. I missed community, and all my friends from the home I’d made on the ship.

But now this is home. It’s funny how being accepted by others makes me feel like I actually belong. Like somehow having a little part of my heart is filled. The home part.

I now have a job where people recognize me, greet me, and joke with me. In my church life I'm also accepted. The girls from my small group are amazing and get really excited over the idea at having girl's night, or just hanging out one on one. I'm one of them.
I still say community is so important. We need people, other than direct family members, who we can call up and ask to hang out at any time. People who don't feel forced to be our friend. Who actually want to hang out.  How amazing it is to be given such a blessing. I think God made us for that. But I finally have it and I no longer have to be living with all of my friends to feel at home. It’s good. :)

God bless all,

Heather

One Step at a Time

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” Psalm 119:105

“”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

These few verses have been going on in my head a lot lately.  Sometimes I think I’m not accomplishing enough for my age. I worry that I’m not good enough or that I’ve missed my moment. Lately, since I got off the ship, these thoughts have plagued me a lot. I was reminded of Psalm 119 at one point because I should stop worrying about my past, what mistakes I’ve made, how I may or may not have made the wrong turn. I should also stop worrying about the future, whether I will ever truly contribute to this world.  Whether God really does have the right guy out there for me (Yes, so help me, I’m like every other single girl out there whose clock starts ticking. It’s annoying and I’m trying to ignore it with some difficulty). 

God has plans for me. He has ideas in my head and simple mess ups are not going to mess him up. Even when we mess up big, God will still make it into something amazing. He never stops working for us and for the world.

We aren’t alone.

Now to remember that.

Heaven

As humans, we seem to have an innate problem with death. We go so far as to create creatures that don't die in fairy tales such as vampires and zombies. Why is that? It's the case with us Christians too.

A huge part of it is, I don't think we were made to die in the first place. We are eternal beings.

As Christians this shouldn't frighten us, because even once we die, we go home. Our real home. There, our wrinkles, pimples, frown lines, and tears all fall away. There we see long lost relatives.
What is more, our continuous search to fill the empty spaces, spaces I believe won't be filled until we reach heaven, will be whole. Our wounds won't just be stitched up but will be gone forever lost.
What is more, we will be in the ever-going presence of our God. However the relationship holds with each person, that relationship which was broken like everything else in our short lives, will be healed without even a mark of a scar. There we can dance, sing, laugh, play, and be without the worries and bindings of tomorrow. So we should rejoice for our friends and loved ones that go home.

Still, it's hard, isn't it? Those loved ones we won't hear laugh again. We won't exchange stories with them again, get mad at them, irritated, feel joyous with them again, get hugs from them. Whether they are silent or boisterous they are a presence that once they are gone will go away.
That, at least for me, is the hardest part.

Crazy World

Since the last time I wrote on here, a few things have transpired. The one that makes me the proudest was a whole week where I wrote. I didn’t go back through the old stuff and try to rewrite, I just wrote! It was wonderful and invigorating. I think I’ll be done with my first draft fairly soon and that will be a first for me. I have this nasty habit of going over my old writing before I am finished with the first draft, cringe, and scrap the whole thing before starting over. Not productive.

            Fairly soon after my writing frenzy, I received a temp job. They may or may not hire me full time. Either way, I’m on the work force again! Isn’t that awesome! I think it is. Ask me the same later, but for now I’m ecstatic.

            It is lovely to know that God is still on my side.

            It’s a crazy world and I’ll never know what happens from one time to the next. J

Thoughts on the last seven months

What have I been doing since the last time I wrote to you. It's been, what, seven months now? I've been figuring life and me out. Life on the ship was so amazing that when I got back to dry ground for good, I had a hard time dealing.  I had to re-acknowledge that to God I am beautiful, I am amazing, and isn't the world beautiful?
Seriously look around yourself. If it is snowing, every snow flake is different. It creates a softening of the world, makes it seem ublemmished. If it's raining then the sound makes a noise that relaxes one, brings up memories, and gives a sense of safety. Night has stars and moon with everything going to sleep minus the cayotees right outside my window who howl and wail and make me feel all snug in my safe house. Day has a brightness that goads me on to do things. There's the bustle, lively chapter and all the beautiful colors.
Then there are the people. Oh how amazing people are. There are so many cultures in this world and then if you subculture them then it spreads wider. How often have I been surprised by people. It happens so often and it always brings a happy smile on my face. How crazy is it just have a small conversation with the person standing near you, and how amazingly interesting those conversations can be.
I've learned specific things about myself too. Things that make me burst with joy. Four years ago I would barely ever leave the house because I didn't have a clue how to make friends outside of work or church. Now I have friends I can ask to do something and they willingly agree. People like me! It's not just pity friendship. How wonderful is that?
I never stop learning and I never want to.

God bless you all.
Heather