Tuesday, February 28, 2017

I Miss You - A poem

I am actually in a good mood. I just had an amazing night talking to a group of somewhat older people at a party. It was more like they told stories and I listened and drank it up. We talked about music, and the military, and told stories. Not of the glory days, or not just the glory days, because despite the fact that they were older, they were still amazing and active.
Anyways, this came to me just now and I wanted to share with you:


I MISS YOU

Sometimes I think I miss memories
more than people
I miss possibilities, and maybe's, and what if's
The wish that you could be at my door
Saying hello or goodby
but not for long
For just washed hair
and rumpled beds
For tv dinners and smelly farts.
For fights and cries.
Being 30 and alone kinda sucks
Because I miss you
my little shadow
The one who follows me into every movie
with a love scene.
The one who whispers
in my ear
Sweet dreams
that never come
Because I...
want that
That right there.
And it never comes...
Sloppy kisses, and amazing cuddles
Because I miss you
and I don't even know you

I started my day in a bad mood:
So a little something personal about me: I'm single, and thirty. I may be single for the rest of my life. That is fine. That might be what God wants and I trust him.
Let me also say this: no amount of "Your wonderful heather's" or "Your beautiful" or "Any guy would be lucky to have you" will change those days where I am just plain heart renchingly, can barely drive, lonely.  On those days, because I've never been kissed, I've never truly felt like this guy is mine, and I am his, it is super hard to trust God. It is super hard to say, God has it in his hands. I'm a huge romantic and those days are torture. On those days, I have to ask myself, would God torture me, would God give a romantic an empty heart? That's an answer I don't know.
But that is the whole realm of faith right there. Jesus went to the garden of  Gethsemane knowing he was about to be physically and spiritually tortured. Remember, God turned His head away from Jesus. That would have been worse than the physical. He KNEW this was going to happen and he still said, "Your will be done".

So, here on this forum I say Your will be done Abba. I will trust you.

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